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Archive for July, 2009

кεℓℓy ღ asked:


A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.

One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.

“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”
this joke is really nasty but its funny lol♥♥
i didnt make it up i found it btw

Leroy

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Adam C asked:


These two guys, Bill and Ted, went out hunting moose, but after three days they had come up with nothing. So, like any self-respecting hunters, they decided to outwit their prey.

On the next trip they brought along a moose costume and some artificial female moose mating scent. They sprayed the scent all around the trees at the edge of a clearing and quickly climbed into the costume, Bill in the front and Ted in the back.

After a few minutes a huge bull moose came running toward them from the trees. Bill screamed at Ted, “We’ve got a big one coming up, hand me the rifle.”

Ted screams back, “I thought you had the rifle, what are we gonna do?”

Bill calmly replies, “Well I’m gonna eat some grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

Troy

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