Tags : Artificial Trees, Broward County Florida, Model Houses
The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”
this joke is really nasty but its funny lol♥♥
i didnt make it up i found it btw
Leroy
On the next trip they brought along a moose costume and some artificial female moose mating scent. They sprayed the scent all around the trees at the edge of a clearing and quickly climbed into the costume, Bill in the front and Ted in the back.
After a few minutes a huge bull moose came running toward them from the trees. Bill screamed at Ted, “We’ve got a big one coming up, hand me the rifle.”
Ted screams back, “I thought you had the rifle, what are we gonna do?”
Bill calmly replies, “Well I’m gonna eat some grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”
Troy
I practically sprinted to the end of the throne room, excited to see the masterpiece Hephaestus had so recently finished. Finally, I stopped on the floor before my throne, panting because I had been in such a hurry to get there. First, I noticed that I wasn’t standing on a regular floor, it was composed completely of sand, showing my love of the beach. I followed my eyes up the three white-gold steps when I noticed little writing engraved into them. After examining them closely, I was baffled to see that the little scribbles had been the names of my friends and family members who I cared passionately about. The next part of my mind-boggling thrown that caught my eye had to be the legs. These legs were no regular four poles; they were giraffe legs, artificial of course. This surely symbolized my love of animals, particularly giraffes. Next, as I settled onto the seat of my precious throne, I realized that directly under me was nothing other then a soft and comfortable layer grass picked straight from my own lawn. In the summertime, I would often lie on the grass, staring into the cloud-covered sky or captivated by a book, enjoying the comfort it provided. Having the grass placed on my throne would also be a year-round reminder of how much I loved nature. After that, I noticed the dozens of Crayola crayons glued together, hoisted a foot or so above my seat. “These must be the arms,” I thought to myself. Surely, this must be a representation of how greatly I love to color. Finally, as I pressed my back up against the backing of my throne, I noticed there seemed to be gaps in it. When I turned around to examine it I realized the back of my white-gold throne was shaped in no other form then a peace sign. Peace was something that I’d always believed in and persuaded others to abide by. Having a peace sign placed directly on my elegant chair would definitely spread the word of peace.
As I sat on my throne, awed by how dazzling and personalized it was, the only thing on my mind was to remember to thank Hephaestus for his wonderful work. I was positive that my throne would display both my personality and values for all to see. This throne would be a remembrance of me in the years to come.
Im not sure if I used too many.
If I used them wrong, please say where.
I really appreciate it.
Thanks, :].
Oh, in case you were wondering, it was a essay about if Hephaetus were to build us a throne, what would it be like.
She said to use ‘vivid adjectives’, so I tried my hardest. I know Im not the greatest writter, but Im only in 8th grade.
Tks again, :].
Jean
Tags : Mount Olympus, Newest Addition, Rubric
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The
farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in the grass
when they become pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the
conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate
the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them
out into the woods and has sex with them all, brings them back and
goes to bed.
Next morning he wakes up and looks out at the sheep.
Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the
first try did not take, and loads them all up into the Land Rover
again, drives to the woods and has sex with each one twice for good
measure.
He brings them back to the farm and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
One more try, he tells himself,and proceeds to load them up and drive
out to the woods. He spends all day screwing the sheep and, upon
returning back home, flops into bed worn out.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
at the sheep. He asks his wife to look and tell him if the sheep are
lying in the grass ?
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the Land Rover and one of them is
beeping the horn
Jamie
Tags : Conclusion, Proceeds, What This Means
The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”
Lewis
Tags : Artificial Insemination, Good Measure, What This Means
Tags : Baloney, Bullfighter, Haunted Houses
The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn
Roy
Tags : Artificial Insemination, Good Measure, Proceeds
—
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”
Joke Number 2;;;
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
The kid replies, “Yeah.”
The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.”
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
The kid continued, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
—
J0K3 NUMB3R THR33;;;;
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.
Sitting at a café, the little old man says, “Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind.”
“Why, yes, I remember it well, dear,” replies the little old lady with a grin.
“Well, for old time’s sake, let’s go there again. and I’ll give you one from behind.”
The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.
The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady’s hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don’t move for an hour.
Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this — not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.
Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, “I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years’ time!”
The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.
He says, “Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What’s your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?”
The pensioner replies, “Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn’t electrified.”
—————————
J0K3 NUMB3R F0UR!!!
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, “Oh, you look about 29″.
“I am actually 47.”
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, “I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age.”
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, “Okay, it’s done. You are 47.”
Stunned, the man says, “That was brilliant. How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was behind you at McDonalds.”
Ok so theres a few, star if you like and tell me your favourites if you liked them that is.
Leslie